Them, the extraordinaires

On account of being honest, I'll no longer live in denial. Well, at least for now. Ok. For this post.

I am not a good friend. Seriously. Maybe I'm too paranoid but I strongly believe that no one would ever want a friend like me. I run away when all is well. I think its my way of making sure that I won't be too caught up with the euphoria or maybe deep down, I just love being distant. The whole concept of friendship never really got into my head. Yeah, I've read Sisterhood of Travelling Pants, I've watched One Tree Hill but the way they describe it and my term of friendship is completely different. I've never did sleepovers, I don't do three way calls every night, I don't share clothes with my friends but that doesn't make my friendship any less true. To find someone I can confide in is really hard. Some might say impossible. Despite the fact that I know my friends would be there, listening, I don't really vent out everything to them. There is just some things I want to keep inside. Some things I'm afraid to let go. That doesn't make what we have a fraud. The fact is, I have a hard time trusting people, and I know that makes me a bad friend. Doubts rolling over my mind everytime. I know I'm horrible. The thing is, I'm just not capable of trusting. I have trust issues. No, its not some kind of trauma or what. What I hate the most is people assuming they know me. People who tells everyone how much they knows me, like I'm their bestest friend. I don't do that kind of thing. I have trust issues and I'm afraid of commitment. Yeah, problematic kan? So I don't really do the pinkie promises, the girls day out. I don't. I am more of the kind of person to hide. The kind of girl who actually (gasp!) enjoys staying at home.I have wonderful friends who can actually handle with being a person like me. Who can endure my ridiculous mood swings, my nonsense tantrums. They are who I'll commemorate because although I don't share my deepest secret with them, (as I still don't know what is it) they still believed in me, at least I think they do. I've left numerous of times and they were still there, still holding out. I don't deserve them, I know that. Me being with them is like defying logic.But despite all that, they are still there, for me anytime I want them to be. Thank you, for always staying, for not giving up on me. Quoting from the book The Balance Thing by Margaret Dumas ; I can't promise I won't leave-- because that's kind of my old habit-- but I promise, I'll always come back.


























p/s ; Oh my. Anna Faris just got enganged to Chris Pratt!