Is life what you make it?

i am thinking of another haircut or maybe a blowdry? Oh No! I'm damaging my hair with heattt. but since my hair is pretty much damaged, why not go all the way right? I absolutely loathe it when people ask me why I don't do rebonding. Maybe there's a part of me that still have some faith in my hair that if I actually take good care of it, it's going to be my shining glory. plus, there's this other part of me saying I should be proud to have a natural hair although messy and wild rather than straight or curly hair with the help of chemicals. Either way, deep down inside I love my hair. But that doesn't mean that most of the time I don't just feel like going bald.


Raya shopping is finally over and god knows how glad I am. This year is more frustrating than the previous years. This year, I made up my mind and decided to go along with Mak Uda and not block out every idea she has. And hell what did it did to me? I had to try on every baju kurung she could get her hands on. Of course, at one point I even considered being cranky like last year. But since I was being optimistic or die trying, I became an angel *fluttering my eyelashes* and finally after a long search for my baju kurung(this time, finally not my fault) we found one that isn't as expensive as the one we were thinking of buying due to desperation. My sister was being tick for tack and she was outrageous when she found out I bought 4 tops while she only bought 2.(teya, rahsia kitorang dah bocor. aku dah ckp dah dia akan nmpk gak beg MNG tu) But luckily, 4 of my tops plus my baju kurung and the jeans I bought still doesn't outnumbered the price she bought for her baju kurung, her 2 tops and a tights. Anyway, I am pleased because I bought long sleeves shirts like I was planning to. Thank god one thing actually went according to the plan.


Raya spirit is seriously getting to my father. I woke up at 1230(thank Cipah for telling me the time) and never got the chance to get down yet when my father called and said something about putting the 'pelita's' in if it rains. So of course, curiosity took over me and I went downstairs to find 6 pelita stuck on the ground of the garden. Not that its much of a garden. The only person who dares to take care of the garden is Mummy, and occasionally Daddy when Mummy bugs him about being a lazy ass and subtly added that gardening helps most people lose weight. Ah, How could he resist then? Sadly, now that no one is nagging about gardening, the garden turned from a piece of beauty to patches of grass and a whole lot of dead roses and tulips and lilys and wild branches growing out. Maybe I should take up gardening? Hmm. That's possible.


Oh yeah, did I mentioned that Sunday was hell? I slept at 2am due to forcing my little brother who was as energetic as if he had just woke up from a half a day of sleep while I tried my best not to fall asleep. After I did fall asleep, I then again woke up for Sahur only to realise that Qistina told me the day before that she wants to go at 730. So at 630 I woke up and stood under the shower for what seems like a lifetime and by 7 I was wearing fresh clothes and clean undies. Although that didn't stop me from dozing off for a while. After Kasturi, I went home with the hope of lying down on my bed and maybe get a taste of beauty sleep for a few hours. Of course my heaven was spoiled when my sister asked me to follow her because she wanted to go to Nichii in search of the gladiator that she just 'hadddd to have'. Me, being the sweetest sister anyone could ever asked for just shrugged and brought The Trouble with Valentine's Day just in case I got bored. Turns out, it was a real good help. Anyway, we went to Nichii only to get our heart break (me ; to having to hear my sister talk non-stop about it. my sister ; not getting the gladiator, obviously). I was ever so glad that at last we could get home when my sister declares that she wants to go to Bangsar. I moaned but of course, she ignored me. We eventually get to Bangsar and I was considering staying in the car while she carried on with her search but then my plan was sidetracked with a sight of this strange looking man walking back and forth of the sidewalk near to where my sister parked the car. So I got out of the car and forced myself up and down the stairs of Purpledotz, Cats Whiskers, Mooie and some others I don't remember. We still couldn't find that one particular thing and decided to head home.At last, home sweet home. I slept at 1030 and damn, it was pure heaven. I don't know why I bother telling you guys this but perhaps because I want to tell you how tortured I was yesterday and how much I loathe walking around into shops.

Oh, and my feet has grown and I am now officially a size 8 and a half/ 9. If I didn't feel like a giant before, I sure as hell do now.

p/s; while I was signing in on Blogger, I saw this blog with the title "Slap my Pussy". Is it just me or does that title suggest a bit of dirty things?

you go reverse, i go forward.

doesn't it just bugs you when you're halfway (or in my case 99% -can you believe it?) on downloading something and its stuck. Just like that. Stuck in the past. never moving forward. I know i'm talking rubbish,but humor me. Its making me have this urge to click that cancel button so that it won't frustrate me but I know better. Wait, do I? Well. Lets leave that behind, and move on. update; it's already 100% and installing. oh, i didn't mention what I was downloading did I ? I'm re-downloading windows live messenger. HAHA. what a sucker? tell me about it. how dare MSN says I have forgotten my password? How could I? When it's such a easy one. I use it everyday. I write it on paper everyday. It's my identity. It's given by my own parents. It's my proud... Oops. Too much information.


My little brother is being such a sissy. He's afraid going to the kitchen alone. As if a serial killer would somehow appear from behind him threatening him to not scream or he'll kill the whole family, or maybe he's afraid of the boogieman. Sigh. Boys, who needs them? i could do so much better without them. -please excuse me, this is the ego talking- back to the girl you absolutely adore (clue; you're reading her blog) she's getting pretty pissed off with this whole MSN thing. what is so haarddddd about signing in? ah well, somehow this is making me feeling a bit hot and I know exactly what will make me better. WIKIPEDIA! yey. Hmm, what shall I wiki today? I'm thinking about something like hmm.. ya know? why should I bother telling you about this? Screw you guys. I'm going to wiki anything I want, and I ain't telling you. HAH!


Oh, the new chairs have finally arrive. *clappy* and the sofa too. The sofa is well, I'm speechless. it's not the same cloth as I was expecting. So, Liyy was right. It's the different cloth and the same woodwork. I prefer the old one if you ask me. This is more of a stronger colour. Well, i don't know. The maid thinks its nice, but come on I don't really expect her to have the same taste with me. Right? Anyway, Daddy went over-board and bought 8 dinner chairs instead of 6. So now it's a bit crowded. But I think I might get used to it. The chairs I mean. The sofas well, might take a longer time. But I'm being cautiously optimistic so all the faith in me, right?


This year, I'm going green. In fact, my whole family is going green! technically. Our Raya colour this year is green. Plus the new sofa is also green. Does it still count even if the old one is green too? I'm not entirely going green as in deciding to become a vegeterian or a fruitarian, I'm not ready to give up my McD's and KFC. But who knows? Maybe someday. A girl can dream.

I still see you, do you see me?

i'm trying to leave but i'm scared,
to see the truth in your eyes,
so fairytales it isn't what i see,
under the pillow a picture of you and me.


i'm trying to leave but i'm scared,
won't cry but won't smile anymore,
the water has reached to the shore,
taking baby steps away,
remembering our kiss in May.

no happy ending,
no smooth landing,
i'm torn for your love tonight,
maybe i won't continue this fight,
trust me it's better this way,
the rainbows are fading to gray.


don't cry now I won't fly,
won't need to try,
the scars are already there,
noting what we couldn't share,
our love has been declare.

can you hear my heart breaking?

because it is. it's falling apart. The only cure, the only one who can put the pieces back up together would be the sight of the Walker family on TV. babi bodoh bangang tunjuklah season2 aku nak tgk kitty kahwin aku taknak tgk desperate housewives yang 8tv dah tunjuk sebab kau lembab sgt skrg tunjuk je lah brothers and sisters babi lah starworld konon hot ah. you'r watching starrworld. WTF? go rot in hell. In US, they will be airing the THIRD SEASON!(!) on Sept 28. Yet here I am, still in agony waiting for those stupid pathetic brainless people to air season 2.

I miss Senator Robert Mccalister and Kitty Walker. Oooh, and the cute gay Scottie. And Sarah of course. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. I just loooooooove her. Brothers & Sisters makes me cry (laugh all you want). It just touches you in the heart. It has this 'movie moment' every episode. Sometimes even three 'movie moments' in one episode. Not that I trust movie moments in movies or shows because I think they're messing with our emotion. Its like there's the music and the lighting so that the scene would be very tragic and heart rending and therefore become a 'movie moment'. I prefer 'movie moments' in a book. Because when you read, its just you and the words. No help from the music, from the expression of the actor and all those phony stuffs. And when you reach to the point where what you read twists your heart and just makes you a bit *mooshy* that's when you know it's a 'movie moment'. And boy do Brothers & Sister have movie moments.

Conclusion of that one whole paragraph ; I LOVE BROTHERS & SISTERS( the tv show not the real thing)

also, I'm in love with the dress Kitty wore at the Season finale for Season 1. It's so pretty, for me. I know it's not a big deal, just a simple dress. But I love it. I'm not that easy to actually like dresses and all, so this is something. and that cardigan too. it's lovely. oh hell, what's with me? the next thing you know i'm going to tune along with Baby V. (yucks, yucks, yucks. vomit. gag.)

p/s; Kitty is the one wearing that white dress in case you're fashion blind like me (i'm not that bad now) and mistaken Nora's trenchcoat for a dress.

hovering around like a helicopter

if you miss me, STAY.
if you don't, LEAVE.

i

mean

NOW!

I thought you were leaving? couldn't do it could you? (p/s; that's the same line Dexter said to Remy in This Lullaby) I was this close, this closeeeeeeeee to actually not post anything until PMR. I figure better not post anything about not posting anything since it will make me more determined to not post anything. If that doesn't make sense to you, then are you sure you're ready to sit for PMR? But I've just realised that I'm BEING SELFISH because although I can't relate to the pain that you guys must have been through everytime clicking on my blog only to find the same post as the last time you checked, which was 2 minutes ago, and because you miss me so much, you guys had to read my previous posts thinking that it would make you feel better. I hope it did? does it? Well, who cares. I'm here to cure you from missing me.

Yes, I know I'm crapping but i also know every word uttered or in this case, written by me would make you feel better even though a cat with wings and a rat's tail makes better sense.
Ok. I'm sorry. I promise not to crap.

I have this huge crush on John Cusack! i'm the kind of person who's willing to put good looks on a back seat if it means compared to talent. not that Darling Johny is ugly or what, just ya know, he's not really the kind of guy you'd want to put on a Abercrombie and Fitch's bilboard. Who cares, I think he's hot! plus he ain't like those kind of stupid bunch of hollywood posers who is spotted everywhere they go, he's low profile. he doesn't do a magazine story every month telling people how he maintains his career in Hollywood. Take that, Mr. Clooney! not that he's a mega super-actor like Mr. Clooney there, but he has his share of movies, that's gooood. Good well, in my opinion but perhaps my opinion might be a lil bit biased since its effected by my adoringness towards him.

I can't believe I might be admiting this but as the guy who created the Adidas slogan said(god bless him)" Impossible is Nothing", I think deep down under, I actually like Kristen Stewart. it's like I'm constantly finding proof to not hate her but then just saying that she just keeps appearing. like this one time, i found out zathura is on Tv so I stayed up and watch it just to see her part. then I even wiki-ed her. Also, she gestures when she talks,(case in point:exactly like me) where I can see her gainin some points because ain't that cool? I'm not the only weird one, plus like it or not, she's a celebrity! And I just have this weird way of liking people who's you know always blurry and all? There's someone(celeb) on my mind that I remember is exactly like Kristen that I thought about but now, I can't remember who. don't you just hate it when that happens? because i was talking to hertina earlier, and I can't remember what I wanted to talked to her about, and then KABOMMM! now I do. ah, what does it matters. 5 bucks i'll forget it the next time I talk to her again.

PRFFT. I need to go now. Goodbye. Love you.

You can read this as many times as you like, i know you'll miss me.

So here's the deal

I'll buy the gun and gloves. All you have to do is wear the gloves and shoot me? Sounds easy? No. No one will track you down. That's the reason why I'm buying the gloves, doofus. What? You think I'm making a fashion statement? think you can do it? Yeah! Alright!

40 days till major meltdown. I don't have enough time. I think my Math is screwed up big time. I tried doing some questions earlier, and the result was- well, let just say, I'd take 50 anytime. I am losing all my knowledge. Why? Oh god why? the only subject I think I'm capable of getting an A is English. And even that, I'm losing faith. I want to get A for Math. I'm completely clueless with Math. I can't take it. I can't take it. Its giving me goosebumps just to think about it.


So, Ramadhan is finally here. How fast time flies. I usually don't feel a thing during fasting month. But god, this month. I think I just might faint. I was sick right? I have sorethroat and a runny nose. Add that with fasting, and voila, you get one cranky bitch who clears her throat every 5 minutes and wasting all the tissues blowing her nose. My father tells me to break the fast if I can't take it. But that means I'm weak. I ain't weak. I'm superwoman! HAHA. Who am I kidding? I am not studying. I should be studying. But I'm not. My excuse is because I'm sick and I can't think straight if I study.

Pfft. What a lame excuse. Before, I keep telling myself I'll study after I finish breaking dawn. After I did finish Breaking Dawn, I tell myself, I'll study after Nought and Crosses & Pretty Face. After I finished both, I find myself reading my old books. Oh hell. How will I get 8A if I don't sacrifice my time now? I need someone to force me to study. I need someone to sit in front of me and watch me studying. I neeeeeeeeedddddd it. I hate to dissapoint. But that's precisely what I will do, wether I like it or not. I neeeeeeeed someone to help me. Is there any hotline for an irritating person who forces you to study?



Oh No! I'm losing my mind. Wait. I already did.

Hey. Where am I? What is this thing called? HEihgdkfghkgbkxgkg. Cool. I can type.

QQQQQQQQQQQQ.
I just type q. Woww.

ATIQAH.

Atiqah? What's that? That's a weird word? Why did I type that? Is that my name?

It is! It is my name. I hate it! I hate my name! I think I'm going to change it to Lela? Is that okay. Nahh. how about Erin? Hmmm...


Taa, darlings.