as a perfum doth remain,

in the folds where it hath lain,

so the thought of you, remaining

deeply folding in my brain,

will not leave me, all things leave me,

you remain.

-arthur symons

my fear of rejection leaves me trembling upon the door, the door where the truth would be unfold, truth to be told, nothing but the truth. I want to see it, to know it, yet I'm still here. Hesitating, unsure and most of all afraid, afraid of the ugly truth. It is a fact that if I had to choose between a beautiful lie and an ugly truth, it's much better to pretend, and take the beautiful one, because for one, it won't hurt you as much as the other.

I told them all the great things I know about you and there were a lot. I was up there for a while. I didn't tell them everything, though. I left out the complicated stuff, like how it took losing you forever for me to truly find you. And how finding you turned me into someone else entirely. That's not what they came for. People want to hear you were great. Not that were great, but also, sometimes, not so great. They want to know I miss you. Not that while I've been missing you, I've fallen for someone else. It's weird, though. I feel like the only one who would understand this is you. In a way, that makes sense. He was the one person you were yourself around. Of course he'd be that same person for me. Anyway, I left all that out and I kept it simple. I told them I loved you and that's the truth.

-Gray, Catch and Release