Life's like an hourglass glued to the table.

I don't get it. Why people keep asking me to change those things about myself that I tend to like. it's like they don't even know me. THEN it strucks to me, like lightning that maybe they don't. Not the real me. I am this puppet, constantly listening to others and following others back, like one sad puppy. So when I get the chance to make my own choice, those things I hold on to. It's what discern me from being a phoney. That's what we always have to do in our life. We always have to stay true to ourselves. I have insecurities. It eats me up inside. Everytime I go out to the public, my insecurities rings up like an alarm bell. I am a constant failure. I am a social outcast. Of course I feel left out, no matter how much people is trying to make me think otherwise. And it's not them, its me. It's like the Kindergarten question over again. A picture of 5 apples and one orange. Cross out the odd one. Its palpable, of course. It's me. It's always me. I am always the odd one. When you're surrounded with these beautiful people and you are this big boned awkward looking girl, you can't help but feel like a reject. This ogre in the Land of Princesses. I want to stand up, for myself. I do. It's so thwarting that I can't. I want to tell them that what they're saying/doing strikes me straight to the heart. But I can't. I just can't. I'm like some sort of sad old Igor, I take what I'm born with and I don't speak up. Its destiny that I am this girl. And who am I to tamper with destiny. Life is a mess. What are we doing in this world? Are we looking for the truth? I don't think so. We actually see the truth, right there infront of our eyes, under our nose, still at arms reach, yet we pass by it like its shit on the sidewalk. We know. We just live in denial. We know we live in denial. We're just afraid that if we decided to let the truth in, our fears will ruin us all. We are afraid of getting hurt and feeling pain. We seem to forget that what doesn't kill us, just makes us stronger. So we look, we go on a quest to find for this thing. This thing that will salvage us all. This thing we can call our saviour. This helping hand, reaching forward pulling us up. No matter how petty and insignificant this thing seem to others, its our saving grace. Helping us to keep going. We won't just go straight to the top, but slowly, we make progress. And sometimes, thats enough. It's enough to just keep going. It helps. Maybe, along the way we'll find others on the same track. And we built this beautiful thing called friendship. We don't have to solve the puzzle. We don't have to answer all lifes questions. We just have to look for that one piece. One tiny stupid pathetic piece, that might just take us a lifetime. And we're done. We can go as free as the birds. That will be enough reason, the reason, the only reason for us to keep on breathing.


Waterpak,
TIQA